5 years

Looking back this has to have been an interesting year and sometimes I don’t know how we ever made it through alive. This was the year we took an early anniversary trip. We took a nice little cruise to Ensenada Mexico. We left from long beach California, to Catalina Island, to Ensenada back to long beach.

We have a killer deal and we were so very excited about going. We are not that good at planning and thought perfect a vacation that really plans itself. They feed you; they take you to places you just have to get off the boat. They have shows you can go to each night and they make the bed every morning. Well after I bought the tickets and looked at all the paperwork I have reserved a room with bunk beds—huhhhhh--and had I got the right rooms it would have only cost us $40 dollars more. But because I hade to call and change my room it cost us $300. Now it was not so great a deal. We were really excited to go anyway. This would be Marshalls second time flying, the first was to and from his mission in Chile. I let him sit next to the window. We landed in California and headed t the ship. We were amazed at how large it was and wow what an experience.

We got settled in our room –that had a normal sized bed- and went for a walk about the ship. We found the salt water pool, the dinning room, the buffet with all you can eat everything, the life boats, and the track. We never did find the adults only hot tub area that might have been nice.

After being on the ship 1 night I came to the conclusion that I am REALLY Sea Sick. I did not do very well. We loved all the stops. Loved watching the ocean and the waves, Loved the experience but I was so sick I hated the Cruise. I don’t think that we will ever go on a cruise again. So sad it was our perfect vacation planner.

This was also the year that Marshall worked full time swing shift and grave yard while taking 12-15 credit hours at school. Like I have said before we were just trying to get through his degree and be done. It was difficult being a wife and mother and working. Having Marshall unavailable all the time made it even worse. We both learned very valuable things about each other during that time. We learned how to best utilize our time together. We both had to work at it, because it is not an easy thing to do. There were times that I would not see Marshall from Sunday night until Thursday afternoon. But I am grateful for all that we learned how to better communicate. Also that its over and we wont have to live like that ever again.

Marshall also graduated in December. We were glad to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am proud of him because I know it was not easy. Now with only 1 night a week of class we can handle that.

I also went to weight watcher at the beginning of our year. I wanted to learn how to eat healthier and live healthier. I wanted better food options that made me feel good. I have been successful for 1 year so far and plan on continuing my healthy plan to help our family eat better.

This was the year that we found out that having more children would be detrimental to my life.

We had talked about having more children but I had put it off because I wasn’t ready. Looking back I know that God had played a large part in my feelings of hesitancy. When I finally decided that I was ready it was December. I have a regular appointment with my cardiologist every 6 months to check my pacemaker. After I had Libby I had a hard time bouncing back. I didn’t feel well the first time I was pregnant and I was worried that if I got pregnant again I would have the same issues. When I went in the doctor sat down and we talked about the medication I had been recently prescribed to see how I liked it. I asked about how it would affect me during pregnancy and he looked at me and said “you can’t take this is you get pregnant, I also highly recommend that you don’t get pregnant again. We are doing all we can do to make your life function right now if you get pregnant I don’t think you will be able to function”. What a blow. I knew that I was functioning better now but I knew how bad it could be pregnant. But to hear it put that I probably couldn’t take care of the 1 child I had and not be able to care for a second child when I was done it put me to pieces. Here I was Alone, and being told that I should not have any more children, it was devastating. I held my chin up asked a few more questions and got my answers, I thanked him and left. I got in my car and drove home. I didn’t know what to do I cried and cried. When I got home Marshall was waiting with our daughter, I walked in and lost it. We sat on the floor feeling lost and helpless with tears in our eyes for our unobtainable dreams.

After many prayers, long nights, and meeting with several other specialist. We can to the decision that My life was valuable, I had a daughter that needed me, a husband that needed me, and my little family needed me. I wanted to be around and functioning to my complete ability until forever. So we decided that adoption was the path our family would take. We have been criticized by some, helped and aided by others. We are grateful for the support our families give us in looking for our addition. We pray each day that someone will bless our life with the gift they have. I look forward to the moment to look into the face of the most selfless person on earth and thank them from the bottom of my heart, and Hope that they know mother to mother how thankful I am for them.

Our life has been a roller-coaster. We have had our ups and downs just like everyone else. We know that the Lord has his hand in all things. We are grateful for the still small voice that whispers in our ears and hearts. Because I know that I hear it often and am grateful that I can recognize it. I pray that all can feel the power that comes from the comforter. I have felt the peace that I need in those times that I feel helpless and pray that God will heal all our wounds.